Hanging with My Little Marshmellie in the Gunnison National Forest. Doesn't she just look like the world's greatest 2-year-old?

Really, I have two sisters, but one is a heretic of the highest order when it comes to sci-fi, and the only reason she is allowed to stay in the family is because she is the mother of My Little Marshmellie, world's greatest 2-year-old. But my other sister ... well, she has an overfondness for The X-Files, but we can overlook this small flaw because: she gives us a place to stay when we make holy pilgrimages to sci-fi events in Denver; she is dating a man who actually gets Showtime and sometimes even remembers to tape Stargate episodes; she bought me a DVD with the Stargate pilot and the first two episodes on it; and then she bought the DVD player so I could watch them. Is that totally cool or what? Eventually, and expensively, I may actually get all Stargate episodes viewed.

Check this out: now that I've seen the pilot, I have found yet another in the myriad reasons to idolize the New One True Space Babe. As a child, Samantha Carter played with Major Matt Mason. I had a Major Matt Mason action figure! So did my friend Jimmy, but I thought we were the only two in the whole world, because when I mentioned this toy as I got older, I got nothing but blank looks. But Major Carter (okay, or at least Jonathan Glassner and Brad Wright) not only has heard of him, she had one of her own! We are so bonded!

And this is my newest Stargate question, also courtesy of the pilot: If a day is 36 hours long on Abydos, does that mean you get to sleep for 12 of those? Where do I sign up to become an Abydonian?

Courtesy of my sister's gentleman caller, I have now seen two fifth-season episodes. This was very nice of him, but he did neglect to tape the opener, which presumably addressed the fourth-season cliffhanger, as well as the subsequent episode. I feel duty bound to point out that the second episode, "Threshold," is yet another example of Stargate's unfortunate tendency toward titles belonging to others: Voyager used that one in its second season. "Enemies," the first episode of the season, is pretty darn close to Next Gen's "The Enemy."

The New One True Space Babe may not have her own action figure, but her Cabana Boy does. He comes completely prepared to deal with any poolside emergency that might arise. And yes, he's fully qualified in mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. The resemblance of the action figure to me is uncanny!

The first episode I saw, "Ascension," (we could have done a lot better on that title, too) focused on the New One True Space Babe, so of course it gets a good review. Although we took a vote: nothing about her house looked remotely Colorado Springsish. That mist thing, apparently prominent in Vancouver, almost never happens here in Colorado. But she drives a very cool car (not quite as cool as Jack O'Neill's bad-ass truck) and looks just darn spiffy in jeans. (Not quite as flamboyant as Cowboy Teal'c, though.) And the episode involved mention of Jell-o wrestling, which would make Matt happy, if only he owned a TV. One must wonder, however, what Sam's neighbors think of her now: weird lights, men in strange spacesuits scouring the shrubbery, and finally a full-scale raid on her place. She's probably going to have to move, especially if any of her neighbors are affiliated with Focus on the Family.

Then we moved on to "Red Sky," which I'm afraid is headed for my "Episodes That Sucked" list. I'll have to watch it again to make sure, a move that I'm putting off, because it struck me as excruciatingly boring the first time around. And we are subjected to another Jack O'Neill "we can save you if only you'll listen" speech, although the People of Big Hats get points for ignoring him and sticking to their own beliefs. The attempts at science didn't appeal to me; the humor usually fell flat (it's not a good sign when Daniel's lines are funnier than Jack's); and there was way too much talk without any action to balance it. Yeah, I'm pretty sure it sucked.

amandatapping.com Everything you could ever want or hope to know about the New One True Space Babe!  And pictures, lots of pictures, dozens of pictures from many, many episodes, so if you never bothered to watch the first two seasons, you can flip through these pictures and get a sense of the episode.  Kind of like a Buster Keaton movie, only usually not as funny.

Hernando Wong, famed road trip veteran. He's ready to go whever the road takes him, even the super cyber freeway of information.

donsdavis.com Don S. Davis has a nice page, particularly if you're Italian, as apparently almost all of his fans are.

theserpentslair.co.uk  Aside from serious grammar issues, this page was extremely helpful to me when I was trying to figure out what was going on in the world o' Stargate once I started tuning in.

sgc-uk.com I like this site because it lists every webring in the world, more or less.

heliopol.de More than 2,000 works of fanfiction!  Some of it's even not too bad.  It's a very convenient way to access a huge variety of fanfiction without having to go from site to site.  The search function works very well, too.

www.holyorder.com Okay, so it's not a Stargate site.  But it is the cyber home of the HOLY ORDER OF QAPLA', a truly outstanding cult without peer.  Well worth your time.

Once upon a time I was pretty confident about my knowledge of All Things Minutae where they concerned television.  Captain Kirk's serial number: SC-937-0176-CEC.  You can look it up.  Then I entered the CU Trivia Bowl and learned I didn't know jack.  (I did score 40 points on the hometowns of M*A*S*H characters, but that didn't get Roman Polanski and the Girl Scouts anywhere close to the Alaska-Hawaiian Standard Deviants.)  Now I can't even tell you basics such as Voyager's registry number ("Who cares?" is my most immediate response), and I don't track which planets have what numbers on Stargate.  In fact, despite owning it since 1984, it was not until 1997 that I realized my truck license plate is "1701," just like the Enterprise. I think we're lucky I remember what year it is on any given day.

Comet Hale-Bopp. My cable release wasn't working, so I used a ballpoint pen, and I couldn't see the hands of my timepiece, so I counted out loud until the pen slipped. You can't get much more scientific than that about photography.

I don't want you thinking I spend all my time in front of the TV.  In fact, these days I usually only turn it on when I need a nap.  (For some reason, I have this widespread reputation for falling asleep at movies, plays, musical events -- even once at a funeral, when the preacher was droning on about how the deceased wanted Jesus in my life.)

I spend some time helping with local sports.  Depending on the season, I am a steer stripper, volleyball official, basketball scorekeeper, lap counter and timer, and clip-boy for the chain gang.  I used to play volleyball, but we can't ever find enough like-minded souls, so I raft (30 years on the Gunnison!), Rollerblade, skate, juggle, go logging with Chainsaw (or maybe it's Hack), think about jeeping with the Grant Houston Silver Street Historical Society and Four-Wheel Club (here's to the Pride of the West, library and cultural center of Silverton, Colo.), and take dogs for walks while getting my reading done, because otherwise I would fall asleep doing that, too.

I used to take photos, too, until I got tired of lugging a camera with me everywhere I went. So now I don't take pictures at all, except under duress, but here are the two I took that I like best.

Oh, and before your opinion of me grows too high, let me deflate that now by telling you I play the accordion.  Loudly, with pride.

My honors and credentials:  I'm the 2000 champion goat showman of Gunnison County (adult division), the impresario of Alien Puppet Theatre, and Seaman 7th Class in as good a standing as an S7C can be with the HOLY ORDER OF QAPLA'.

To earn my keep, I work the ramp seasonally for American Airlines, I teach an occasional college course, and I print t-shirts.  We'd be happy to print yours (patsscreenprinting@yahoo.com).  As far as printing copyrighted images, we are licensed only by Western State College.  Go Mountaineers! We are particularly enamoured of any orders requiring glow-in-the-dark ink. Want a free Pat's Screen Printing t-shirt?  Let us know!